Je suis desole, je ne parle pas Francais

Hamburg - We get tickets to see Stomp which is playing the main house, providing we donate to a collection fund of a sick technician.  After two days of asking everyone in the building the only fund we find is the green room coffee fund.

Juvisy - Young child shows appreciation for the show by throwing his shoes at the actors mid performance.  It's definitely not hilarious.

Laval - The local tech approaches me grinning and says "Your actors are in the dressing room drinking cock"
...
by which obviously he meant coke, but I absolutely did not get that until after an array of facial expressions gave away something about the comment was vexatious.

Clamart - An usher has an epileptic fit mid way through the first show, her first ever apparently.  The audience do not notice. (She is ok now.)

Elancourt - Find out the French for 'Hen night' is 'Enterrement de vie de jeune fille' Meaning 'Funeral of being a young girl.'  Poetic.

Holiday - I resolve to actually post in this blog

Sarzeau - I fail dismally at the first hurdle

St Ave - A brilliantly boozy lunch is put on by the theatre every day.  I am far too British to get involved, and their response to this is to dig one tea bag and some powdered milk to try and make me feel at home.  Dudes.

Choisy le Roi  #1- There is a toilet in the middle of the stage upon our arrival

Choisy le Roi # 2 (we're here for a long time) - A child genuinely responds to a surprise part of the show by shouting out 'ooh lala!'

And let me tell you that I love you and I think about you all the time

See not being in Scotland on The day of the referendum though....

On the move again.

I believe last time I wrote in this I didn't even have a smart phone. Now, a couple of years later, this image is one of the more painfully relatable memes kicking around the intertron. I was on a boat in the middle of the north sea recently, and was actually, genuinely frustrated that I could neither respond to my mum's email to say whether or not I had a port hole,  or what's ap my boyfriend pictures (all of which were of the sea from different angles) OH THE HUMANITY.

Despite the lack of WiFi we pulled through and made it to our destination, which as it happens is Hamburg (this was aided largely by radio four comedy and hula hoops. It was not aided by Audis that sneak up on you at 100 miles an hour on the autobahn)

Tomorrow we put the show we're touring into what I understand is an old fabric factory. The first of the non English get ins for me. I'm not worried though, Auf Deutch Eins taught me well. I'm going to know EXACTLY how many guinea pigs all the technicians have.

So I guess until I can squeeze some anecdotes out of that I'll leave you with some pictures of the sea from different angles.

Hello Mid March. How I have longed for you.

Peterbourgh – The dressing rooms are portacabins round the back.  The Glamour.

Chelmsford – The Bass shuffles off stage, his bright red wig sitting slightly askew and his lipstick (which also doubles as blusher) slightly smudged, with a life size, french-can-can-dancer-puppet strapped to his front.  He pauses by me in the wing.  "What kind of job is this"  He says.  "I'm an intelligent human being."  And shuffles off into the darkness.

Bury St Edmunds – The building is owned by Green King IPA, and the bar out the front is called the Greene Room.  A HO!

Margate - Backstage has a list of rules from the 20’s painted on the wall.  For example – “Performers will not perform scenes or musical numbers not previously agreed by the director in rehearsals.”

Ipswich

I learn how to open those stick sugar packets properly

Shanklin - The Tech manager and Stage Manager are husband and wife, and it seems the only other technician in town is their daughter.

Guildford

One of the actresses screamed in delight, and I thought the fire alarm was going off...

In other news

Crewe - Have inherited my head torch


Huddersfield – Due to the upcoming visit to Cyprus it was necessary to pack up all the props and costume we were taking, and then un-pack them instantly.  A trial run to see if the bags we bought were big enough .  It’s a soul destroying sort of a task.  Especially when your boyfriend has taken the time to come and visit.


Buxton - Not a blue cat in sight


Hertford - Tiny stage + huge piano = hilariously compact dance moves


Nicosia - We locate a whiskey decanter at the last minute, from an ex AA member, through an oboe player


Limasol - The focus tower is a few bits of scaff and a plank of wood on wheels. it'd give the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland a hernia.


Yeovil & Bishop Stortford - We seem to be in hot pursuit of a tour of 'Lord of the flies'.  There is a lot of sand in their show it seems. Out dance floor tape won't stick to it.


Crawely - The tumble drier set fire last week... It makes wardrobe maintenance an exciting new challenge


Winchester - Apparently stand up  go there to try out their material before big tours because the audience are notoriously heckler free...

Dunstable

The Bass thinks it will be hilarious to talk to me in the style of the old spice man while wearing nought but pants when I go to the dressing rooms to check the personal props.